Anger. When we hear the word it’s nearly always associated as a negative. It’s like someone waving red flair lights twirling about in a rage. But the truth of is, anger is a natural emotion. Anger can be healthy. It can also be devastating. Anger is one of the most misunderstood emotion out there. So what if we opted to turn the concept of anger management upside down?
Tip toe around the anger….
No one likes an angry person. It’s a character trait that can evoke discomfort, angst and even fear by those around the angered person. Anger often resonates negativity and hostility. All of these feelings towards the angered person can simply keep people on their toes and on guard.
When anger is not managed properly it can manifest itself in many ways. It may be a volatile form of anger with outbursts that’s either emotional or physical. It can be directly connected to being overwhelmed by life demands. There’s self-inflicted anger connected to feelings of guilt. Passive anger is remaining quiet and holding onto grudges that can push people away and build emotional walls. There are different forms of poorly managed anger.
Stop, collaborate and listen
Once we identify whether the anger that exists is indeed an issue, it’s taking the next step. How the heck do I wrangle in the negative anger? I realize it’s an issue. I know I’m making others uncomfortable. This isn’t how I want to be for the rest of my life. If any of the above thoughts apply, know that as long as your breathing, change is possible. Change can happen and know it takes time, patience and a plan. This is where we focus on the term, anger management.
Anger can be debilitating. How so? Mismanaged anger can cause headaches, stomach aches, heighten blood pressure and levels of stress. It can kick your butt while building distance (whether intentional or unintentional) between you and others. Without even realizing it how we opt to handle our anger can be habit forming. Flying off the handle, impulsive anger and lack of restraint with emotions can become part of one’s routine. If this is the case, it’s heart wrenching because the individual is simply not living up to their potential as well as experiencing a full quality of life.
First step is the first step
Change isn’t easy. It takes time and patience. Allowing for daily verbal and non-verbal reminders of this can help in staying the course. You will struggle. There will be moments that you falter. If we beat ourselves up for this rather than learn from our stumbling, the road to decreasing our anger becomes more challenging. We are human, meaning we’re a work in progress. In a world mired in a mindset of immediacy, this mindset can be debilitating. If you’ve struggled with anger for thirty two years it is going to take more than thirty two days for change to happen.
Set aside some time to think about what things, situations or people set you off. How does your body, mind and mouth react before, during and after? A good means of insight on this is asking those who bear the brunt of the actions connected to your anger. Ask for honest responses. Allow your mind to be preparedP for honest responses. Remind yourself that responses are focused on you improving yourself and growing versus your downfall and negatives. In all things, fight like heck for extracting positives out of everything.
When we find the good out of the not so good it is a strength. When someone we love chides in how they feel when we are angry this is a teachable moment. It must not be viewed as another excuse to be angry. That will not benefit anyone.
A great way to get the ball of progress going in a more fluid motion is to seek out a counselor. Ask a friend or a family member for recommendations. When we have someone who is able to be objective and lend insight and provide feedback it can do wonders. It’s also ok to request homework. Meaning, for the counselor to provide tasks and focus points that allow for continuation of progress.
Manage the anger…
Anger can be transferred from a negative to a positive. To seek ways to funnel out the negative into a positive will be life changing. This may be going on a walk during your lunch break, joining a gym, signing up for a pottery class or allocating time to read or write. Everyone of us have varying interests or passions that help us relax and decompress. Allow and insist on that passion or interest to become part of your daily routine.
This is an excellent way to reduce anger. Every step is a step towards progress and change. Remember, change will not happen over night, but the more resources that are in place the stronger we become.
There is only one you. Life may have been tough on you. There may be a heck of a lot of unattended issues. But today is a new day and a new opportunity. No more excuses. Do not dread the transition, but get excited that a stronger, healthier and more awesome you awaits. Every single part of our lives will be influenced by our outlook. Positive is a game changer.
You can do this…but change begins today. Change begins with you.