Sex. Let’s talk about sex! Do I have your attention? There are certain topics between young people and parents that can sometimes be uncomfortable. The kind of squirm in your seat and avoid eye contact sort of stuff. I would venture to say that sex is the numero uno topic that wins on both sides for awkward and uncomfortable. It’s also super duper necessary.Young people need the verbal dialogue that will define boundaries as well as define what sex is. This is over the top necessary. We’re going to look at why it’s so important to talk with your teen about sex.
Know that if we don’t chat about what sex is and expectations in relationships it will be defined in one way or the other. If we rely on their peers, social media and their significant others to provide this definition you’re in for a heap of trouble.
Let’s talk about sex, baby!
After fifteen years of working with teens I can tell you there’s not much that can make me uncomfortable. Honest. An area that leaves me dumbfounded is how many teens that tell me there is little to no sex chat when it comes to dialogue with mom or dad. ‘It’s just super uncomfortable. I mean, I’m not going to bring it up.‘ A common statement. You know what? They’re not going to bring it up and they shouldn’t have to. That’s the parent or guardians gig.
We live in a self indulgent society where our teens receive a thousand messages a day via text, Snap Chat, radio, movies, selfies….whatever. Sex is around every corner thrown in lyrics of songs, zingers in commercials and woven into almost everything we do. It’s crazy and it’s disheartening. The message is to have sex often, with whoever you feel like, at any given moment. This is normal by society’s standards. To cling to a mindset that they will rise above this without your guidance or input is buying a one- way ticket on the crazy train.
Why it’s so important to talk with your teen about sex…..
Most parents are oblivious to HOW MUCH nudity, sex and more sex kids are exposed to. I can bet you a $100 that if I grab your kids phone and go through their texts, their Snap Chat, Facebook, Instagram and Finstagram I would find things that would turn your stomach. This is not to implicate your young person. I will go solely on what their friends, their group messages, their friends of friends are posting some seriously disturbing stuff. When you see this on a constant basis it can be hard to just shrug it off.
. Whether you believe your young person should wait until marriage for sex or that it’s ok to engage in sex if they’re with someone they love; make your belief system loud and clear. Your words are critical. Your message can resonate in their hearts, but it’s one heck of a fight. If you choose silence you’ve lost the battle.
What our kids hear every single day….
- You’re a weirdo if you haven’t had sex in high school
- There’s nothing wrong with multiple partners at any given time
- Sex and love do not have to accompany one another
As a young person, to view sex as sacred will place you in the minority. It’s a sad reality. My heart aches when I a young person says, “I’m still a virgin and I’m 16. I just want to get it over with.” Or “I drank my face off and can’t remember how many people I slept with. I think was two or three people.“ There is a ridiculous amount of pressure to just do it and every ounce of it being sacred, special and beautiful is chucked out the window. I believe there is a correlation with crazy train promiscuity and self-image. When we have young people with half a dozen partners before they graduate high school how is this a healthy thing?
When sex is viewed as insignificant and not complicated they lose out….
If it is nothing more than an action void of emotion or value they are set up for long term heart ache. Forming long term monogamous relationships are near impossible. Or when we idolize people like the character Barney in How I Met Your Mother we’re in for trouble. It is when sex is trivial and partners have no emotional significance. Value does not exist and there is a void of any form of substance. If it’s trivialized self value will suffer. Then there is the attempt to fill an emptiness that sex cannot fill.
Our kids have tremendous pressure. They are inundated from countless angles. Know that your voice counts. I promise. Chat, dialogue and allow them to hear your voice. If we don’t fight for our kids and their self worth it’s a disservice.
Have a great week chatting about things that sometimes can make us uncomfortable 😉 Peace, love & goodness!